AlltheJokes.com
The best humor! Doctor and nurse jokes and funny stories.

The patient: Tell me, is it true that alcohol decreases blood pressure?
Doctor: Yes, that is true.
P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?
D: Yes, that is also true.
P: So, in average, I live normally.

Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor."
John: "Is he feeling better now?"
Jack: "No, he has a broken arm."
John: "How did he break it?"
Jack: "Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window."
John: "How did he break his arm?"
Jack: "He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription."

Doctor: "Good news you passed your hearing test!"
Patient: "HUH"

"Doctor, doctor!" said the panic-stricken woman, "my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?"
"Quite simple," said the doctor calmly. "You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband's mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite – haul it out."
"Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod's head."
"What do you want a cod's head for?"
"Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to get the cat out first!"